5 Tips to manage guilt as a caregiver?

Guilt is an emotion all caregivers feel at some point. It can either leave you feeling depressed and isolated, or it can motivate you to show up and be the best you can be. No matter if you are a parent or paid caregiver you’ve probably experienced feelings of guilt at some point in your life.

It’s normal to have feelings of sadness, guilt and even anger at times. It’s your bodies way of asking for help. Knowing how to listen and when to act can prevent a whole host of health issues.

You probably have a “picture” of what your ideal you looks like. Your “ideal you” might have a quiet relaxing cup of matcha before you need to wake your kids up but the real you has been up all night caring for a sick child. Or your “ideal you” might have a date night scheduled with your spouse but you have to cancel so you can care for your loved one.

Does this sound familiar?

• You often have the feeling that you are the only one capable of taking care of your loved ones.
• You often feel guilt when you focus any energy on yourself, or other loved ones.
• You drop everything to show up for the person you are caring for.
• You are committed to your role, yet have niggling feelings of resentment.
• You are your loved ones best advocate, constantly questioning doctors and other professionals yet never quite satisfied with the answers you get.
• You are a problem solver. In a moment of crisis you rise to the challenge while others are withering with uncertainty but secretly wish someone else could step in.
• Your resilience is your superpower. Through all the heartache and turbulence of this roller coaster ride called life you carry on. You show up and you are capable of just about anything. But you feel alone on this journey and wish you had someone to talk to who can relate.
• You are creative. You can juggle grocery shopping and taking to your loved ones doctor. You are watching your daughters ballet recital while writing a to-do list, yet you never miss a second of her time on stage.
• You drive the team. You naturally step up and call the shots. Then go home and order take-out.

All these examples and many more are strong indications you are an incredible caregiver and your dedication is recognized and appreciated.

You may have feelings of guilt for feeling guilty. You might ask yourself why did my loved one get sick. Or you might feel angry and ask why me, why my child? Learning how to recognize the guilt is the first step to managing it.

Steps

1. Recognize the feeling of guilt: if you don’t it will eat at your soul. It’s not bad to have these feelings, and when you can name and identify it you have a whole new perspective. Action: state what you are feeling. I am embarrassed, disappointed, frustrated, angry, resentful, scared etc. Once you put your fear into words you can work with it.
2. Be compassionate with yourself: we all face obstacles but can choose to turn them into opportunities. By recognizing that your feelings don’t define you, or control you, you guilt will shift. Action: say to yourself, I acknowledge that I feel this way, and in time the feeling will go away. This affirmation allows you to lean into what your needs are.
3. Identify the root of your guilt: do you have unmet needs? How can you bridge the gap between the “ideal you” and the “real you”. What resources can you tap into? Action: ask yourself, I need x in order for Y to happen. Jot down any actions you can take to make this a reality.
4. Take action: It’s all well and good to recognize your pain points but if you don’t meet your needs nothing changes. Action: Identify your needs.
5. Be vulnerable: You are a superwoman and no-one else can fill your shoes. You are not replaceable and no-one is trying to do what you do. But, allowing yourself to open up and share your emotions invites in support. Chances are you loved ones want to help, but they don’t know what you are going through. Action: Ask for help. Call a friend, or family member. Reach out to community resources and don’t be afraid to ask for support.

Be gentle with yourself. Know that you can be a much better caregiver when you love yourself first. Caregivers needs are often overlooked especially if you come across as highly capable. Stand up for your own needs and take care of yourself, you will feel happier and ultimately a healthier version of yourself.

If you don’t have a health self-love practice yet, read these posts for ideas.

Wellness Activity: Write yourself a Love Letter!

18 self-love Fall/Winter celebrations you need to do now

Self Love that costs you nothing

Choose You

My top 10 wellness rituals for ultimate Health

How I prioritize recovery in the morning

Your turn, I’d love to know how you practice self-love.

Share your self love tips on Facebook Pintrest or Instagram (tag me @amandavs and #amandavs, #healthyissexy). I’d can’t wait to see how you celebrate simple pleasures.

Share our little secret with your friends and family. Healthy is sexy!  Be sure to subscribe to my monthly newsletter to receive health tips, recipes, motivation mantras and so much more direct to your inbox.

xo Amanda