Breathing through overwhelm & grief
Amanda StansfieldThe holidays can be a challenging time for many people for very many reasons. They are for me. 16 years ago, right before Christmas I spent a month in the hospital watching my daughter fight for her life during a 3 week long coma.
Then, 3 years ago I spent the last month of my Nanna’s life with her in the UK. This was just before Mother’s Day is celebrated in the UK. Nanna raised me and was my second mum she was with me during some of the hardest days of my life and loosing her felt like I was loosing a part of me. During these times of the year I have an incredible amount of grief and overwhelm. Sometimes when I hear a certain song, or make one of my Nanna’s recipes I’m triggered with grief. It’s as though time stands still and I relive those moments all over again.
There are days when I find myself wondering if I’ll have to relive the process of planning my daughters funeral again. It doesn’t matter whether it’s been six months or sixteen years the memory is still there. You never get over it. Yes, you learn to live with the memory, the pain and the grief. You learn to cope with the sadness. But, you also learn to open your heart again. To allow joy back into your life and to keep on living. As my Nanna so often reminded me during my darkest days, “this too shall pass”. And she’s right, the feeling of overwhelm will pass in time, and your grief softens, kind of like a long distance friend who is always there but not right in front of you.
2020 was an overwhelming year for so many. I know for me personally my work, home and social life changed dramatically. My husband likes to use the word “adapt” for anything that is out of our control. So we did just that. We evolved and pivoted as needed.
What I noticed was the impact it had on my 9 year old though. I have experienced grief and overwhelm many times and have a strong meditation and mindfulness practice I turn to. But Serena needed support finding her own coping mechanisms. She will happily share that “burpees” and “5 minute dance parties” are her natural choices to boost her mental health and happiness, but she’s also learned to slow down and use compassion as a tool to cope.
Grief and happiness can co-exist. One of the best gifts we can give ourselves during any time of the year is compassion and permission to feel. To truly feel.
A Practice to Breathe Through Overwhelm & Grief
If you are currently struggling with overwhelm or grief, here’s a simple and powerful breathing technique you can use to help you begin feeling calm, release worry, and to begin healing:
Steps:
- Find a comfortable seated position seated or feel free to lay down. Place your left hand on your heart and right hand on your belly.
- Take three deep breaths, allow your abdomen to gently rise as you inhale and gently fall as you exhale.
- Next, inhale deeply through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth making a long, drawn-out “ssssssssss” sound, or the sigh the sound “haaaa”. Repeat for five cycles of breath.
According to traditional Chinese medicine, grief resides in our lungs. Notice if you tend to breath shallow next time you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious. Just like creating strong biceps with a bicep curl, we can strengthen our lungs through conscious and intentional breathing practices.
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Remember you are not alone my friend. Sending you the hope, courage and love you need to heal.