How to calm anxiety + The Caregiver Survival Kit

We all have tough days, and the past twelve months have surely reminded me that I’m not alone! It’s something we can all relate to no matter the circumstances. If your bestie calls you and says “I’m having a tough day”, you are immediately compassionate and ready to be all ears if she needs a good chat. No matter what the driving force is (conflict, overwhelm, stress, anxiety etc), how we treat ourselves in the moment can make a huge difference in our mental health.

After twenty-two years of experiencing my fair share of “tough days”, I’ve come up with a really good simple three step strategy to help me when I’m feeling really down.

Steps:

Step one: pause

As soon as I feel my heart racing, blood starting to boil, or at the point of tears I know I need help. This is when I need to stop whatever I’m doing and give myself a TIMEOUT.

Step two: change my environment

Quite often changing my environment can make all the difference. My first choice is to step outside and get some fresh air, but if Stella’s having a tough day and I can’t leave, I go into a different room. I might light a candle or diffuse my favourite essential oils (peppermint really helps me snap out of any funk I’m in), or I turn on an uplifting playlist. Just by removing myself from the situation gives me the space and time I need to center myself.

Step three: breathe

Sometimes all we need is a big hug and someone to tell us everything will be ok. You can give yourself an internal hug by connecting to your breath and your heart. I place my hand on my heart and take 3 full deep breaths.

Give it a try now.

Place your left hand on your heart, right hand on your belly and allow your belly to soften.

Exhale all your air out. Then breathe in through your nose into your belly then chest. Become aware of your belly and chest rising with each breath and notice how you feel after the third exhale.

Honestly, the most powerful thing about the plan was just knowing it existed. I didn’t have to keep ruminating about all the “what if?” scenarios because no matter what, I had my plan. It was so helpful that it’s since become my go-to resource for dealing with bad days or situations of almost any kind.

I hope my three-step plan resonates with you and you’ll give it a try or create something similar. Now, let’s talk about how you can take it one step further by making a Caregiver Survival Kit!

Boosting the 3 steps with a Caregiver Survival Kit

When we are in a serious funk, the most important thing to remember is how we feel when we’re in it. It’s easy when we are feeling great to tell ourselves that the next time we’re feeling down, we’ll go for a walk. But during those low moments putting on your shoes is easier said than done! And believe me, that doesn’t make you weak, or helpless.

Before you find yourself wishing you had your own survival it, now is the time to put one together.  Yes, I am talking about a physical kit that you keep at home… think of it as a first aid kit for your mind! It’s your special toolbox that has everything you need to get you through a bad day.

How to Calm Anxiety with a Caregiver Survival Kit

The intention behind the Caregiver Survival Kit is to have something physical you can turn to when you need help. For those times when you are struggling, perhaps feel helpless, alone and have run out of hope. My hope is to inspire you to use the tools you have that allow you to recenter, reground and to return to your beautiful self.  I share a few ideas below, but there’s no right or wrong way to build your caregiver survival kit. Remember you know yourself better than anyone.

If you are stuck for ideas, think about what you’d give your bestie if she were struggling with something.  How would you remind her that this too shall pass?

Something physical that brings joy

One of the most effective ways I’ve found to calm my anxiety is to treat myself with something physical.  Something that requires my hands and one of my senses.

Smell:

Open a bottle of a calming essential oil such as sandalwood, rose, or lavender, put a couple drops in your palm and rub your hands together then close your eyes and inhale three times. You might also enjoy lighting a candle, sage or palo santo. I keep a little set of my favourite oils on my desk, in my bedroom and in my kitchen too. This way, I have easy access to something quick that will allow me to be still and use my breath.

Touch:

My younger daughter uses a stress ball, or paints when she’s feeling overwhelmed. There are some stunning colouring books made for adults… it’s never too late to bring out your inner artist. I enjoy journaling when I’m anxious. I free write, and put down exactly what I’m feeling, thinking and pretty soon, my thoughts change to one of curiosity. I find some of my most creativity when I’m feeling down. I like to write with a fountain pen. It brings back memories of my childhood, this was before I used a ball point pen. Allowing your brain to be present and to quieten the noise by writing is a beautiful form of mindfulness. I have a special journal and pen for just these times.

Taste:

I love kombucha, and always keep couple bottles in the fridge. But at night I enjoy fresh ginger in warm water or a cup of chamomile tea.  There is something magical about feeling a warm beverage in your hands. I find myself closing my eyes and naturally breathing a little deeper and slower, and it naturally slows me down or else I burn my tongue. Slowing down is a big part of calming an anxious mind.

Hear:

Hands down one of the most healing tools I have are my headphones. I have a bunch of  playlists on Spotify that can easily transform my mood. I have everything from calming meditation tunes, binaural beats, to uplifting groovy tunes that make me want to get up and dance.

Sight:

I have a physical photo album of my childhood that I enjoy looking through. I made one for each of my girls and I often see Serena looking through it. Stella will also pick up her’s and start asking me questions. It’s incredible to look back at the beautiful memories you created and immediately feel joy. Try putting together a physical or digital photo album of your happiest memories. Another idea is to have a photo in a frame you can quickly look at that brings you joy. You could write a list of positive affirmations, read them and find the one which resonates most, then repeat it over and over again.

No matter which tool you turn to, just knowing you have something physical can be the mood boost you need in times of anxiety, overwhelm and stress.

When we’re depressed, feeling overwhelmed, let down, or anxious, our negative self talk can quite easily out voice any words of reassurance. Once that happens, it’s virtually impossible to talk to yourself with love and kindness. Setting up your Caregiver Toolkit now allows your to have a conversation with your future self. Ask her what does she need? How can you best serve her now to help her then?

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Items that bring you mental, emotional or spiritual comfort.

Once you are ready to do the internal work—you might prefer this first, either way is absolutely okay, this is your Toolkit! Do you have a favourite book, angel or oracle cards, a mantra, quote, prayer or something that inspires joy and provides you with an inner sense of peace?

I shared before how much journalling helps me. I also read from “The Book of Awakening” by Mark Nepo, and will journal on his daily passage. I pop on my headphones, pull out my journal, fountain pen and start writing. I’m not looking for a solution to whatever it is i’m struggling with. But more of a time to quieten my mind and be present. It is also a reminder that whatever it is that is causing me pain is temporary and will pass.

Every morning and before bed I write what I am most grateful for. This can be difficult to tap into when I’m really feeling down, but I can go back and read what I’ve written. Often when I lift my gaze and look around my surroundings, my eyes will fall onto something I can find gratitude for. Again this doesn’t change the feelings I’m having, but it helps me find perspective that there is goodness, that I have goodness surrounding me and that I am surrounded by love.  If you think writing could help you, treat yourself to a new journal and pen, just remember where you put them.

It won’t come as a surprise to you that meditation is my favourite tool in my toolbox for calming anxiety, overwhelm, despair, etc. Just a few minutes can lower your heart rate and help calm your nervous system. Create a meditation playlist, treat yourself to a meditation pillow, weighted blanket, or just a notecard with the words MEDITATE on them. Be sure to keep this available.

Once you put your kit together, be sure to keep it in a place that’s easily accessible. Then, next time you feel you are having a bad day, get the kit!

I usually start to feel a little better in the first 5 minutes. This kit reminds me how much I love and care about myself.  No judgment if you need more time—and overtime you’ll know exactly what you need from your toolkit. It will help, I promise! ❤️ All you have to do is open it up.

P.S. If you are interested in meditation. Be sure to sign up for my newsletter to be the first to receive a meditation track I’m about to release.

You are doing incredible work, know that having a bad day is normal for everyone and that you are not alone.

With love and kindness,

❤︎ Amanda