resilience as a trauma superpower
Amanda StansfieldResilience was not a word I used to describe myself, yet when I look back at the past 24 years it’s the BEST word suited to describe my superpower. Before I ever knew I had my own healing journey to embark on, resilience was a word I used in awe to describe my daughter.
In the unwavering spirit of my daughter battling seizures, resilience takes center stage as her formidable ally. Each seizure, challenging the normalcy of her everyday life, becomes an opportunity for her courageous spirit to shine.
When bullied with back to back seizures, Stella never surrendered to despair but demonstrated a remarkable ability to bounce back, adapting to the ebb and flow of her disease with unwavering strength. Resilience, for her, is a daily practice—an emotional and mental fortitude that enables her to navigate the unpredictable landscape of seizures.
It’s her courage to rise after each seizure, her optimism to face the unknown, and her persistent pursuit of a fulfilling life despite her unwavering challenges that taught me what life is really about. I could ask all the ‘why my daughter’ questions. Beat myself up over something I ‘must’ have done wrong during pregnancy and question the existence of God and why was he punishing an innocent child. Yet, I found in order for me to be resilient, I had live a life of love instead of living my life in fear.
The bravest and most loving thing I could do was to surrender and be fully present for whatever was to be.
There are times when I still ask the ‘why’ questions, and there’s times when I crumble in despair and find myself spiraling back into a web of darkness. It’s in these times that resilience finds her way back into my life. I don’t get stuck in the mud anymore. I’ve felt enough pain and heartache to last many lifetimes, and I don’t want to keep reliving misery, nor do I want to wake up one day and have lost years of my life.
In Stella’s journey, resilience is not just a trait; it’s a transcendent force that transforms adversity into a testament of her enduring strength and an inspiration to all who witness her unyielding spirit. She inspired me to wake up to living life on my terms. This is when I came to the realization that her disease was also my disease and it wasn’t going anywhere. I would continue to live in a cloud of fear but it didn’t have to control me.
As trauma survivors or, if you are like me and face chronic trauma daily you have a unique superpower. Often we get caught up in the misery and darkness that is all too consuming and forget our strengths, but they are still there—I promise!
Life is a journey, or what I like to call an odyssey, filled with highs and lows, triumphs and challenges. At times, this road may seem insurmountable, with obstacles that test our strength and spirit. However, when faced with adversity, resilience emerges as a powerful superpower—one that not only helps us endure trauma but also empowers us to grow and thrive despite life’s darkest storms. Below, I share how resilience helps me and how you can cultivate and harness this strength too.
understanding resilience
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from difficult experiences and adapt positively to adversity. Caregiving is difficult. It tests your limits, and pushes you further than you thought imaginable.
Resilience is not about avoiding stress or escaping life’s challenges but rather about facing them head-on and eventually emerging stronger on the other side. I’ve been there, right at rock bottom thinking there is no hope left and I should just give up. But I promise you, you have this same superpower who is ready to be your partner, cheerleader and guru already within you.
the trauma-resilience connection
Trauma is an emotional response to an event or events that challenge one’s ability to cope. It can manifest in various forms, including physical, emotional, or psychological trauma. In my case, trauma was both emotional and psychological, and resilience was my protective shield. Over the years of living with CTSD – Chronic Traumatic Stress Disorder, I learned how to block (partially) the detrimental effects of trauma, providing me the strength I needed to help my daughter.
how resilience operates as a trauma superpower:
adaptability
Resilient individuals demonstrate a remarkable capacity to adapt to changing circumstances. Instead of being paralyzed by trauma, they adjust their mindset and behaviors to meet the demands of their new reality. This adaptability is a crucial aspect of overcoming trauma and being able to move forward. Adaptability is instinctual, it’s pre-programmed in us, and without even realizing it we harness our inner resilience to cope with everyday stressors. But sometimes we need a gentle reminder and this is when emotional intelligence is important.
The ability to recognize and understand your own emotions, is a critical part of emotional intelligence. Beyond recognizing your own emotions, is being aware of the effect of your actions, moods, and emotions on other people.
emotional intelligence (eq)
Understanding and managing one’s emotions is a key component of resilience. Self-awareness and emotional regulation contribute to a more stable and grounded response to challenging situations. By harnessing emotional intelligence, caregivers can better navigate the complex emotions that often accompany trauma. Together with a positive mindset, EQ can radically break generational patterns and even self sabotaging behaviors.
Pain creates patterns in our personalities and ultimately our behaviors, with clear insight we are able to recognize if we are simply existing within these patterns or if we are free of its repetition. Noone wants to feel like a mouse on a spinning wheel, yet this is exactly what occurs when we are blinded by our pain and suffering.
positive mindset
Resilience is closely tied to maintaining a positive outlook even in the face of adversity. While acknowledging the pain and difficulty of a traumatic experience, resilient caregivers focus on what they can control and are not afraid to seek outside help for what is out of their skillset. Being vulnerable while maintaining healthyy boundaries allows us to seek out opportunities for personal growth. This positive mindset serves as a powerful antidote to the negative effects of any trauma.
social support
Resilience is not a solitary journey. Having a strong support system can significantly enhance your ability to bounce back from trauma. If you face CTSD, having a team of warriors you can rely on is detrimental for your healing journey. Resilient individuals recognize the value of connecting with others, seeking support, and building and maintaining meaningful relationships. These connections provide a safety net during challenging times. This means you need to be vulnerable and have a growth mindset.
growth mindset
Resilient individuals view challenges as opportunities for growth rather than unachievable obstacles. Yes there is hardship, but that hardship does not make you, own you or control you. A growth mindset enables us to learn from our experiences, develop new skills, and emerge from trauma with a deeper understanding of ourselves, each other and the world around us.
This means we pass no judgment on our past self. We have already lived the pain and are here to choose differently. To create yourself again, and to live in love not in fear.
cultivating resilience
While some individuals may naturally possess a resilient mindset, resilience is also a skill that can be developed and strengthened over time. Here are some strategies for cultivating resilience:
develop a support system
Cultivate meaningful connections with friends, family, or support groups. Having a network of people to lean on during tough times provides emotional support and a sense of belonging. Know your tribe of supporters who hold you accountable to the best version of yourself while also lifting you back up when you are down.
practice self-care
Prioritize self-care activities that promote physical, emotional, spiritual and mental well-being. This could include regular exercise, mindfulness, meditation, adequate sleep, eating a clean and healthy diet, and engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation.
Access your unique skill set, and get familiar with what truly sets you apart from others. Get to know who you really are. This might include a walk in nature, attending a sound bath, wild bathing (swimming outdoors), moon bathing (spending time outside during a full moon), journaling, practicing breathwork, or any other activity you have been curious about but have always put to one side.
set realistic goals
Break down larger challenges into smaller, more manageable goals. Achieving these smaller milestones can build confidence and a sense of accomplishment. Start to recognize you don’t have to do it all today, and know when you overextend yourself, take on too much and violate your own personal boundaries.
learn from challenges
Instead of viewing challenges as setbacks, see them as opportunities for learning and growth. Reflect on past experiences, extract lessons, and apply them to future situations. Recognize any behavior patterns that hold your back from living your highest and truest self. You have everything inside of you to do things differently, and you need to keep doing the work, until your truest self emerges. You’ll recognize her, I promise!
finally:
Resilience is not a superpower reserved for the chosen few; it is a trait that can be nurtured and developed by anyone willing to embark on the journey of self-discovery and growth. By recognizing resilience as a trauma superpower, you can harness its strength to navigate life’s challenges with grace and ease and emerge from trauma stronger than before. Remember, it’s not about avoiding the storm but learning to dance in the rain.
Remember you deserve to live a healthy vibrant life full of happiness and love!
Read more about the caregiver wound here.